


Agony Auntie

by kooili



Category: Holby City
Genre: Domestic Bliss, F/F, Ring-verse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-09
Updated: 2018-02-09
Packaged: 2019-03-16 00:28:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13624704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kooili/pseuds/kooili
Summary: Jason comes to the newly christened Auntie Bernie with a question that, in his mind, she is the best person to answer.





	Agony Auntie

**Author's Note:**

> Set in the completely non-canonical world where Bernie and Serena are married and Serena wears her wedding ring on a chain round her neck.

There was a ritual they shared on the days they got to leave work together. They would come into the house and head straight for the kitchen. Serena would put the kettle on to boil and they would both enjoy tea in front of the Aga until the rest of house warmed up. Bernie set her mug on the countertop and hummed softly, enjoying the growing heat radiating from the fire. Tonight was a small break from the routine and she was on her own even though they were both on the early shift. 

She took a tentative sip of her tea, feeling the warmth spread through her belly immediately. Serena had a small detour to make before coming home because tonight was a certain nephew’s fish and chips night. Bernie was entrusted with the tea making duties and a reminder to have Serena’s cuppa ready and waiting for her in half an hour when she returned with dinner. 

She took another sip and sighed contentedly. It was nice having Jason in the house again, albeit temporarily. Alan was on holiday for a week - Serena had recommended a lovely village in the south of France with a beautiful coastline for long walks and no distracting internet or phone signals. Jason had then decided, straightaway, that he hadn’t been spending enough time with his aunties and announced he was coming to stay for the duration. 

The familiar prickle at the back of her neck signalled to Bernie that the rest of the house was now warm enough so she picked up her cup and headed for the living room. She kicked off her shoes before snuggling down into the armchair. The half-drunk tea was carefully perched on the armrest before she leaned back and propped her feet up. The day had been as uneventful as it could possibly be in their line of work and mundane, Bernie decided, suited her just fine. 

“Auntie Bernie?”

The voice was followed by a tentative knock on the living room door. She turned to see a dark curly-haired head wavering at the door of the living room. His use of the new title was still unfamiliar enough to bring on a little rush of pleasure every time. She smiled. Jason was growing accustomed to being back in the house but had declared right at the start of his stay that he had researched all about respecting his aunties’ personal spaces and how he was going apply his knowledge diligently. 

“Yes, Jason. Come in.”

He entered the room and made immediately for the sofa seat nearest to Bernie. He sat perched on its edge, eyes fixed on Bernie. “Can I ask you a question?”

Bernie took another sip of her tea and smiled, giving him her full attention. “Of course. What is it?”

“What is it like to kiss a girl?”

It was a good thing she had swallowed that last mouthful of tea or it would have meant spending the evening scrubbing tannin stains out of the carpet. Bernie cleared her throat before answering, hoping that her voice would work. 

“Why do you ask?” 

It just about did, with a small waver, but Jason seemed none the wiser. 

“Celia and I have been properly dating for a while now and I think I’m ready to kiss her. I want it to go better than last time I tried.”

Bernie scrabbled in her mind for something to say without much success. Why hadn’t she just volunteered for the chippy run?

Jason continued matter-of-factly, assuming that Bernie’s silence indicated that she required further explanation. “I was going to ask Auntie Serena but you’ve been kissing girls longer so you must know more about it.” 

In spite of her predicament, Bernie had to agree in small part to Jason’s version of linear logic. “Well Jason, it doesn’t necessarily work like that.” Bernie smiled as she thought of how very, very good Serena was at kissing. Not that that was information to be shared with their nephew. “But to answer your question, when it’s the right girl and the right time, it will feel natural and…” Bernie paused, wracking her mind for the right word. 

“Arousing?” Jason interjected. 

Bernie was certain that all the blood in her head had taken a detour from her brain and was rushing towards a new singular purpose which involved turning her face the colour of beetroot. “No…” she stammered once before changing her mind when Jason frowned, confused. “I mean, yes… but the word I was looking for was intimate.”

“I know she’s the right girl but how will I know if it’s the right time?”

“Observe what she does and what she likes. Or you could just talk to her. There are always different ways to approach things, Jason.”

He opened his mouth and was about to ask another question but, to Bernie’s great relief, her salvation arrived in the form of the thunk at the front door as it was pushed open. 

“Hullo! I’m home,” Serena’s voice called out from the hallway. Bernie picked up the faint rustle of fabric of as she shrugged off her coat before padding her way into the kitchen. 

Jason’s eyes brightened immediately. All thoughts of girls and kisses were set aside as he sprang to his feet and headed straight through the adjoining door. Bernie heaved a sigh relieved to be let off from a conversation she’d rather have had time to prepare for. She loved their nephew. Yes, it was a little awkward at times, but she wanted nothing more than do her best for him. Bernie grunted as she pulled herself out of her seat and stretched her back. She could hear the muted sound of Jason’s voice greeting Serena as she entered the kitchen. That was swiftly followed by random noises of cupboard doors opening and closing but it was the clunk of a drawer sliding shut followed by a distinct clink of cutlery against crockery that signalled he was nearly done laying out what they needed for dinner. Bernie knew she had only seconds before she’d be impatiently summoned into the kitchen and she was determined to make it there before she was.

****

The ward was quiet and Bernie knew she should be thankful for the lull and the opportunity to reduce the ever-growing pile of paperwork on her desk before it stopped defying gravity and toppled over. Serena had been in theatre the whole afternoon so she didn’t even have that distraction as an excuse. 

The door to the office creaked open and she looked up.

“Do you have a minute, Ms Wolfe?”  

“Of course. What can I do for you, Dr Digby?”

Morven smiled nervously as she stepped into the office and nudged the door shut behind her. 

“Morven?” Bernie sat up a little straighter and gave the young woman her full attention.

“It’s a nothing really and I’m probably overthinking it.” Morven shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. 

“Is this about a patient?”

The young doctor shook her head. “I shouldn’t be bothering you with it but I really need someone to speak to.”

“Why don’t you sit down and start from the beginning.”

She sank gratefully into one of the visitors’ chair and took a deep breath. “I think Jason has a crush on me.” 

Bernie’s eyes widened. This wasn’t quite what she’d expected. To be honest, she didn’t really know what to expect - possibly something involving Cam since it was common knowledge that the pair of them were in an on-again-off-again relationship.

“Oh?” 

“I would have spoken to Ms Campbell about this but she’s been in theatre the whole day.”

Bernie gave her a stilted smile and mentally cursed herself for offering to take administrative duties for the day. 

“What makes you think that he likes you in that way?”

“He’s been following me around the whole day, staring at me with, uhmm,” Morven blushed, “heart eyes.” The flush deepened at Bernie’s inquisitive look. “It’s not just that. He keeps saying strange things about how he likes the way I’ve done my hair and complimenting my choice of lipstick colour.”

“Have you asked him why?”

Morven nodded, her voice tinged with panic. “All he said was it’s research and he had something planned later and it involved kissing. He’s lovely and I don’t want to hurt him but I really don’t know what to do.” 

Bernie bit back the sound of her relief. It wasn’t her place to disclose Jason’s plans for himself and Celia but at the same time, she knew that she had to put Morven out of her misery.

“Would you like me to have a word with him?”

Her frantic nod and grateful smile answered Bernie’s question.

“Thank you so much Ms Wolfe.” Morven’s eyes were bright with relief as she bounced up onto her feet immediately. “I’ll go check on obs now and leave you to your paperwork.”

Bernie let loose the sigh she was holding as soon as the door clicked shut. Shaking her head, she chuckled internally at the comedy of errors, but her mood dampened a fraction when she remembered that she still needed to speak to Jason. 

****

“What’s wrong?” Serena arched an eyebrow at her wife. It wasn’t so much a question as it was a statement.

Bernie’s eyes slid towards Serena’s face as she continued to twist the ring around her finger, first one way and then the other. “Hmm?”

“You’re doing that thing.” Serena nodded towards Bernie’s hand. She dropped the journal she was reading onto the floor beside the bed before leaning back against the headboard. 

Bernie smiled and sighed. She reached for Serena’s hand and their fingers tangled instantly. There wasn’t a chance she could keep a secret from Serena. It was a good thing she couldn’t imagine a situation when she would want to, even if she had the inclination to try.

“Nothing’s wrong. Just deciding the best way to give advice to our nephew without sounding like an incompetent aunt.”

“What have I missed, Auntie Bernie?”

Bernie let loose her customary honk of laughter and Serena smiled. Despite her playful teasing about its resemblance to the sound of a certain farmyard animal, she adored it.  So much so that she’d mooted the idea of making it her ringtone. It was only Bernie’s threat to go into an apoplectic fit every time the phone rang that stopped her. 

“Apparently he’s thinking about kissing Celia and wanted some advice about how to go about it. So that it won’t be a disaster this time.”

Serena raised one eyebrow archly. “And he asked  _ you _ ?”

The remark earned Serena a glare and a gentle elbow nudge to her side. 

“You’re more than welcome to take over, Auntie Serena,”

“Oh no, I wouldn’t want to get in the way while you’re on a roll. I’m sure you’re doing a sterling job.” Serena’s eyes twinkled in delight. 

Bernie reached over and pulled the delicate plastic frames of her glasses off Serena’s nose before placing a kiss on its tip. It was definitely a look she appreciated. Serena had grumbled initially about the possibility of needing reading glasses. It didn’t last long. Bernie had found herself trailing behind as Serena had left the consultation room seemingly enraptured in her conversation with the petite woman beside her. They were led out towards the front of the shop and Bernie couldn’t help narrowing her eyes warily when they finally parted company with a warm handshake that, in her opinion, lingered a little longer than necessary. “She was staring at you,” Bernie remembered muttering before Serena had answered witheringly, “I can’t think how she was supposed to test my eyes without looking into them.” 

“So, what did you tell him?”

“I told him to observe what she says and what she likes. Which was evidently not the right thing to say because he has since then been practising at work. ”

“What?”

Bernie nodded ruefully. “So much so that Morven thinks Jason had a crush on her and wants to kiss her.”

Before Serena could ask how Bernie knew, she described their encounter. “I feel as if I’ve been walking round with a flashing sign above my head inviting awkward conversations,” she finished off resignedly.  

“It isn’t your fault, in case that’s the next thing you’re about to say. Jason wants so much to know about girls and if you say to watch and observe to find out when Celia is ready…” 

“...he’ll want to practice watching and observing to make sure he gets it right,” Bernie finished, looking glum in resignation.

“Exactly.” Serena’s eyes crinkled in amusement. “So what now, Auntie Bernie?” 

“Maybe we could both talk to him?” Bernie ventured tentatively and Serena’s smile stretched into a grin immediately.

“Stare at him together, shall we?” she teased. Oh, Serena was having way too much fun with this.

Bernie decided that action would go much further in redeeming her predicament than any words could and replied by leaning in for a kiss. The first touch was light, the contours of their lips lining up perfectly in an instant. A hand reached instinctively for the nape of Bernie’s neck to pull her closer and was instantly rewarded with a whimper of delight. A thigh shifted purposefully and they were soon firmly ensconced in a familiar tangle of limbs and bare skin. There was always a time and place for the thrill of the chase, the fervent clutches and fumbling towards ecstasy, but not tonight. Tonight, it was all about slow luxurious touches gently stoking the embers, coaxing them into flames in the subtlest of ways. The garbled words -  _ god, please, yes, fuck _ \- grew louder and louder as they interspersed with sounds of heavy breathing. Then all words quieted for a moment before disappearing completely under a familiar wave which robbed them both of the power of the speech.

Bernie drew a ragged breath after her pulse had returned to a vague approximation of normal.

“You are so bloody good at that.”

Serena buried her smug smile in the crook of Bernie’s neck before mumbling her reply. “Oh, I know.” 

****

They entered the double doors of the ward together, coffees in hand and Serena was glad to see that everything seemed to be ticking along quietly. After they shrugged off their coats and bags, Bernie headed straight for the locker room to change into her usual scrubs. Serena remembered asking her once, back when they were just friends, why she preferred them to her own clothes as she was well within her rights as a consultant to choose either. Bernie’s reply was a shy explanation of how all the years in the army had trained her keep work and personal life separate and the uniform, the second skin that she wore, was her way to distinguish the two.

“I have a fantasy,” Serena had murmured, much, much later, after Kiev. 

“Go on.” Bernie had smiled as she nuzzled the short tufts of hair ticking her chin.

“Camouflage and perhaps dress blues after?” Serena had ventured.

Bernie’s answer had rumbled against her chest before it broke free. “Only if you’re very, very good.”

Serena drained her the final sip of her coffee just as Bernie reappeared in her trauma blues. 

“So, what do we have?” Bernie’s eyes were bright, ready to launch herself into battle.

Serena barely managed to keep a straight face as she answered. “Stand down, soldier. Dr Digby seems to be on top of the two whole patients we have in the ward. You do know what that means, don’t you?”

Bernie’s expression sagged as she dropped into her chair opposite Serena, indicating that she was fully aware of what was in store.

“So, do you want discharge reports or morbidity statistics?” Serena’s mouth twitched as she waved her hand between the two formidable piles of paper between them. “I’m feeling generous today so you get first pick.”

****

“You’ll get through it quicker if you stop staring at the clock.”

Bernie’s eyes snapped forward defensively. “No idea what you mean.”

Serena leaned back into her chair, a smile stretched across her face. Bernie reminded her of a hyperactive puppy kept too long on the leash and desperate to pounce at the first hint of a distraction.

Serena had her mouth open ready to answer when a loud clatter from beyond the office made her stop. Bernie was out of her chair in an instant, wrenching the door open in one smooth motion. She stood at the doorway surveying the ward and found the source of the noise within seconds.

They were too far away for Bernie to hear their exchange but the look on Morven’s face as she leaned down to pick up the first of the fallen items spoke volumes. Jason hovered just inches away and Bernie imagined that he was either apologising or giving awkward advice about the best way to the rearrange the folders once they were recovered. Bernie took another step forward to get a better view. Just as she did, Morven’s eyes caught hers with a look of wild desperation. 

Bernie squared her shoulders and crossed the ward in a matter of seconds. 

“Jason? Can you come with to the office with me please?”

“But I’m helping Dr Digby. “

“I’m sure she’ll be fine, won’t you Morven?”

Morven flashed Bernie a grateful smile. “Yes. Jason, thank you for your help, but I’ve got this. You go with Ms Wolfe.” 

“Well, if you’re sure.” Jason straightened himself and looked at Bernie expectantly. “Are you coming?”

****

“I don’t understand, Auntie Bernie. You said that I should watch and observe.”

“Yes, Jason,” Serena interjected gently, “she meant Celia. Not Dr Digby.”

“But I won’t see Celia until Friday and I want to make sure I get it right. Dr Digby is a girl and they’re about the same age so I thought it would be the same if I practised on her first.”

Bernie pulled her chair a little closer to Jason.

“Does Dr Digby like the same things Celia likes?”

Jason thought for a moment. “No,” he said at last. “Celia likes butterflies and carrot cake and flightless birds of the family  _ Spheniscidae.”  _ He glanced back at Morven through the window. “Dr Digby mostly likes when she gets to help you cut people open and take bits out.”

Bernie resisted the temptation to smile at his colourful description of the junior doctor’s eagerness to learn. She had a job to do here. “Do you like Dr Digby the same way you like Celia?” she said.

Jason shook his head. “No, she’s my friend but I don’t want to kiss her.”

She was nearing the heart of the argument now. “So how is practising on her going to help you find out what Celia likes?”

Jason pursed his lips for a moment, a thoughtful expression on his face. “I suppose it doesn’t.” 

“Do you know what I think would work better? Take Celia out on a date and talk to her.” 

His face brightened immediately. “I could take her to the zoo. She likes animals, especially the penguins.” Jason pulled himself up from seat with a confident smile. “There are always different ways to approach things. I understand now, Auntie Bernie; I totally understand.”

Bernie looked at Serena and was sure her face mirrored the look of relief she saw. 

“I’d better get back to work.” Jason opened the door before hesitating in the doorway. “You give good advice,” he said, nodding towards Bernie. “I’m glad I asked you. I think I’ll come to you with all my questions about girls from now on.”

He left and closed the door, so missed the look of rising panic on Bernie’s face. Serena took one look at her and burst into laughter, her hand going automatically to the chain around her neck where her wedding ring hung. “An expert on women,” she said, her voice low and seductive. “More than I could have hoped for, darling.”

Bernie groaned and dropped her head onto the desk. Serena smiled fondly at the top of her head. “Chin up, Berenice,” she said. “All part of being an Auntie.”


End file.
